Posts Tagged ‘House of 1000 Corpses’

Thanksgiving is a great day of the year where we get to spend time with family, eat delicious food and stuff ourselves silly.  Not every family is so wonderful and inviting, so in honor of the holiday I thought I’d highlight some Thanksgiving dinner invitations I’d decline.

1. The first family I would decline a Thanksgiving invitation from would be the family in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Being tied to a chair, and having my blood sucked by a decrepit old man, who looks to be about 500 years old, just isn’t my idea of a good time.  The conversation would be sorely lacking too, as your pleas of help, and screaming would be cruelly mocked.  You would also be surrounded by human bones, and a lampshade made out of the skin from some poor guy’s face.  Seeing as you are being surrounded with the remnants of dead humans, it would be a little iffy about what kind of meat you were eating as well.  And if you did decide to partake of the feast, it’d be a bit hard for you to eat being tied to that chair and all.

2. The next family I’d decline an invite from would be the Firefly clan from House of 1000 Corpses, and The Devil’s Rejects.  Now they are a close-knit family and all, but not being one of the family could lead to some problems.  Now, before any harm came of you, you probably would be allowed to eat, but in your company would be a deformed fetus in a jar, not my idea of a great neighbor at the dinner table.  You might even be treated to a comedy/musical show put of by members of the family, but for the end of the night entertainment, you would inevitably be tortured, and killed.  You may become a piece of artwork in the Firefly’s home, to be enjoyed for generations to come, or before you’re killed you may be subjected to wearing your now dead boyfriend’s face as a mask.  Not really my idea of a good time.

3. Third on the list of invites I would decline would be an invite from the cannibalistic neo-Nazi family in the French flick Frontière(s) (2007).  Now if you are considered pure-blood enough for this family, you may make it to the dinner table, and be selected to carry on the pure race that the patriarch of the family, Von Geisler, is trying to create, but I’m not a big fan of neo-Nazi’s in general, and I feel like the dinner conversation would be a tad bit unsettling, not to mention then being betrothed to one of his demented sons.  If you try to decline the invite to become a part of the family, beware, these people do not take no for an answer.

4. Next up is the Merrye family in the 1968 film Spider Baby.  Now my idea of a good Thanksgiving meal includes all the trimmings- turkey, stuffing, potatoes, cranberry sauce, etc.  A meal with this family though would be a little different, to say the least.  You might have some over-cooked “rabbit” (AKA cat), wild (hopefully not poison) mushrooms, bugs, and a fresh “salad” (AKA grass and weeds).  YUMMY!! Hey, at least they were trying to accommodate all tastes!  Actually, maybe this dinner would be a good one to attend, just for the chance to eat with the Wolfman (Lon Chaney Jr.), and a young Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig).

5. The family in The Hills Have Eyes probably wouldn’t be the funnest to join in a dinner with either.  They tend to like their meat raw, and are a bit cannibalistic.  They also hunt their food like wild animals, and I’m more of a grocery store kind of girl.  They are not very fond of utensils, or napkins, and they look like they’ve ever taken a bath in their whole lives, so sitting next to one of this clan to eat would be nauseating, as well as uncomfortable, as they live in a cave, and so eating at a proper table would be out of the question.  If you disobeyed them, or refused the food, it’s possible that you would be chained up and forced to eat it anyway, so the smart thing would be to stay out of their way in the first place.

6. Up next is the brother-sister duo in The People Under the Stairs.  The Robeson’s are insane, incestuous, masochistic, crazy religious, and just plain cruel.  If you are perfect enough for this bizarre couple you might just get invited to dinner, and even possibly “adopted” by them.  Dinner would probably be a tense affair though, and make sure they get all their utensils back, they seem to keep track of them in an oddly obsessive manner.  Now, if you are not perfect enough you will likely join “the people under the stairs”, and be fed the flesh from the murder victims.  So if you don’t like the taste of human, you may want to pass on this dinner as well.

7. Another cannibalistic and inbred family that I’d avoid if possible is the clan from Wrong Turn.  They don’t like outsiders in their neck of the woods, so it’d be more likely that you’d end up their dinner, instead of being invited to it.  Just like the family in The Hills Have Eyes they don’t look like they’ve ever seen a shower in their lives, but on the plus side, they do live in houses, well, run-down hovels is more like it, but it is a step up from living in a cave in my opinion.

8. Now, the next invite to decline does not come from a family, but just one demented and brilliant individual, Dr. Hannibal Lector, of The Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Red Dragon, and Hannibal Rising.  If you accept an invite to his place, you will definitely be eating some human, and you will likely become his next victim.  Worse than being eaten by Dr. Lector though, would be to eat yourself, as he delicately sautés up some of your brains, and feeds them to you.  If brains aren’t your cup of tea, this may be a dinner to skip out on, although Dr. Lector does look like he knows his way around a kitchen!  If only he didn’t have cannibalistic tendencies.

9. Once again, a dinner to avoid with an individual, and not a family would be with Baby Jane Hudson, from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? She is one crazy lady.  Not only would you probably be subjected to her uncomfortably creepy song and dance number- “I’ve Written A Letter To Daddy”, and be expected to tell her how wonderful it was. Watch here! If you get on her bad side though, you’ll likely be served dead rat, and not even skinned dead rat!

10.  And last, but not least, the final dinner to pass on would be with the Deezes from Beetlejuice. Eating with this family would be majorly creepy due to the haunting of the house this family is living in.  Now, even without ghosts, the Deezes are extremely obnoxious yuppies, so it would be annoying to eat with them anyway, but when ghosts show up, and turn you into a voodoo doll and make you sing and dance, well, you wouldn’t be able to eat anyway.  Then having your shrimp cocktail turn into a disgusting shrimp-hand and grab onto your face….yuck!  I can think of better ways, and better people, to spend an evening with.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!  Hopefully these clips didn’t make you lose your appetite!

~Emily

Many people have a tradition on Halloween of watching scary movies, including myself of course, but what are the best movies to watch on Halloween?  Just any old horror movie, or a horror movie dedicated to the holiday itself?  In my horror movie watching history, I have come across few movies that really pay respect to Halloween, and fewer that evoke the feeling that I associate with Halloween, rooted in the Halloween celebrations of my childhood.  So what do I associate with Halloween? Trick or treating, Jack O’ Lanterns, costume parties, scary stories, horror movies, and of course candy.

In tribute to Halloween, here is a list of Halloween themed movies that you may want to add to your own Halloween horror movie watching tradition.

  1. Halloween (1978)- Well of course Halloween has to be included on this list, for me it is the quintessential Halloween movie. This movie has it all- trick or treating, pumpkin carving, horror movie watching (in this case The Thing From Another World), and of course the BOGEYMAN!!!! Now I like to watch the original on Halloween, but certain sequels to this original would do as well….Maybe watch Halloween 4 or 5 which has Michael Myers terrorizing Jamie Lloyd two years in a row, or Halloween H2O. This is one of my favorite in the series, despite the fact that the entries past Halloween II in the series have been disregarded, and despite that fact that there is no Dr. Loomis.

2.  Trick ‘R Treat (2008) – A new entry into Halloween themed horror, this movie has finally been released on DVD and just in time for the holiday. Set up as an anthology with four stories, inter-linked with some characters, settings, and overall theme. This movie really embodies what Halloween is really about- tradition. It includes some history of Halloween, as told by our Halloween expert, Rhonda- “Samhain, also known as All Hallows’ Eve, also known as Halloween. Predating Christianity, the Celtic holiday was celebrated on the one night between autumn and winter when the barrier between the living and dead was thinnest and often included rituals that included human sacrifice”.  This movie really makes you want to respect all Halloween traditions, because someone or something will get you if you don’t!  So don’t extinguish your Jack O’ Lanterns before the night is over, don’t smash them, and ALWAYS CHECK YOUR CANDY!  I found that this movie is best viewed multiple times because you will pick up something new every time you watch it!

3. Night of the Demons (1988) – On Halloween night a group of teenagers have a party at an abandoned funeral home, “Hull House”, built on EVIL land, and where the whole Hull family was massacred years before. There are of course the requisite stereotypes, and some mean-spirited humor, and some awesome 80’s music.  Of course the teens decide to have a séance, causing a demon to be released, which ends up possessing most of them…..then the death starts!  Another reason to watch it is for the amazing dance scene- its like a demonic version of flashdance, of course to much darker music.

4. Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982) – Now, I’m including this entry separately for obvious reasons. It was made as an entry into the Halloween series, due to the fact that originally this was going to be a series of films about Halloween, an anthology, rather than a series about Michael Myers. This was the only one made with the anthology in mind, before the “man” decided that Michael Myers was much more popular.  Due to the lack of Michael Myers, this is a controversial entry in the series, and is frequently dismissed as sub par. I admit, I too dismissed it until fairly recently. I have watched it since, and realized that it is much better when viewed as its own individual film, and you’re not just wondering “when is Michael going to show up?”  It really does evoke that sense of waiting for Halloween, the countdown to Halloween…and that Silver Shamrock song will be running through your head for days after.  I do find it a weird, but entertaining film, and it is a scary thought that wearing one of these Halloween masks can kill you,  One question though…..why only 3 masks? I find it really strange that the kids only get three choices.  It seems to me that when I was growing up, I was always trying to find a costume that not everybody else was wearing, but oh well, it’s just a movie.

5. House of 1000 Corpses (2003) – So this movie isn’t really about Halloween per se, but it does take place on October 30 and 31st, and there are some disturbing scenes involving a really creepy and disturbing Halloween show put on for the guests by the Firefly family.  I think that its gruesome, sinister, troubling, and supernatural nature makes it a worthy selection for watching on Halloween.

    And a very special selection:

    Hocus Pocus (1993) – So this is really a family/kid’s Halloween movie, but it’s one of my childhood favorites.  This is one of my Halloween staples, about a kid (Max)  who hates Halloween (How is this possible?) who has moved with his family to Salem, Massachusetts. On Halloween night he lights the black flame candle, and because he happens to be a virgin, brings some witches- the  Sanderson sisters – back to life. Now he, his sister, and his love interest have to find a way to get rid of them before they suck the life out of all the children in Salem. Thora Birch (American Beauty) is hilarious in this movie as the little sister. Also starring in this movie is Vinessa Shaw from the remake of The Hills Have Eyes.

    ~Emily