Posts Tagged ‘Hannibal’

Thanksgiving is a great day of the year where we get to spend time with family, eat delicious food and stuff ourselves silly.  Not every family is so wonderful and inviting, so in honor of the holiday I thought I’d highlight some Thanksgiving dinner invitations I’d decline.

1. The first family I would decline a Thanksgiving invitation from would be the family in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Being tied to a chair, and having my blood sucked by a decrepit old man, who looks to be about 500 years old, just isn’t my idea of a good time.  The conversation would be sorely lacking too, as your pleas of help, and screaming would be cruelly mocked.  You would also be surrounded by human bones, and a lampshade made out of the skin from some poor guy’s face.  Seeing as you are being surrounded with the remnants of dead humans, it would be a little iffy about what kind of meat you were eating as well.  And if you did decide to partake of the feast, it’d be a bit hard for you to eat being tied to that chair and all.

2. The next family I’d decline an invite from would be the Firefly clan from House of 1000 Corpses, and The Devil’s Rejects.  Now they are a close-knit family and all, but not being one of the family could lead to some problems.  Now, before any harm came of you, you probably would be allowed to eat, but in your company would be a deformed fetus in a jar, not my idea of a great neighbor at the dinner table.  You might even be treated to a comedy/musical show put of by members of the family, but for the end of the night entertainment, you would inevitably be tortured, and killed.  You may become a piece of artwork in the Firefly’s home, to be enjoyed for generations to come, or before you’re killed you may be subjected to wearing your now dead boyfriend’s face as a mask.  Not really my idea of a good time.

3. Third on the list of invites I would decline would be an invite from the cannibalistic neo-Nazi family in the French flick Frontière(s) (2007).  Now if you are considered pure-blood enough for this family, you may make it to the dinner table, and be selected to carry on the pure race that the patriarch of the family, Von Geisler, is trying to create, but I’m not a big fan of neo-Nazi’s in general, and I feel like the dinner conversation would be a tad bit unsettling, not to mention then being betrothed to one of his demented sons.  If you try to decline the invite to become a part of the family, beware, these people do not take no for an answer.

4. Next up is the Merrye family in the 1968 film Spider Baby.  Now my idea of a good Thanksgiving meal includes all the trimmings- turkey, stuffing, potatoes, cranberry sauce, etc.  A meal with this family though would be a little different, to say the least.  You might have some over-cooked “rabbit” (AKA cat), wild (hopefully not poison) mushrooms, bugs, and a fresh “salad” (AKA grass and weeds).  YUMMY!! Hey, at least they were trying to accommodate all tastes!  Actually, maybe this dinner would be a good one to attend, just for the chance to eat with the Wolfman (Lon Chaney Jr.), and a young Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig).

5. The family in The Hills Have Eyes probably wouldn’t be the funnest to join in a dinner with either.  They tend to like their meat raw, and are a bit cannibalistic.  They also hunt their food like wild animals, and I’m more of a grocery store kind of girl.  They are not very fond of utensils, or napkins, and they look like they’ve ever taken a bath in their whole lives, so sitting next to one of this clan to eat would be nauseating, as well as uncomfortable, as they live in a cave, and so eating at a proper table would be out of the question.  If you disobeyed them, or refused the food, it’s possible that you would be chained up and forced to eat it anyway, so the smart thing would be to stay out of their way in the first place.

6. Up next is the brother-sister duo in The People Under the Stairs.  The Robeson’s are insane, incestuous, masochistic, crazy religious, and just plain cruel.  If you are perfect enough for this bizarre couple you might just get invited to dinner, and even possibly “adopted” by them.  Dinner would probably be a tense affair though, and make sure they get all their utensils back, they seem to keep track of them in an oddly obsessive manner.  Now, if you are not perfect enough you will likely join “the people under the stairs”, and be fed the flesh from the murder victims.  So if you don’t like the taste of human, you may want to pass on this dinner as well.

7. Another cannibalistic and inbred family that I’d avoid if possible is the clan from Wrong Turn.  They don’t like outsiders in their neck of the woods, so it’d be more likely that you’d end up their dinner, instead of being invited to it.  Just like the family in The Hills Have Eyes they don’t look like they’ve ever seen a shower in their lives, but on the plus side, they do live in houses, well, run-down hovels is more like it, but it is a step up from living in a cave in my opinion.

8. Now, the next invite to decline does not come from a family, but just one demented and brilliant individual, Dr. Hannibal Lector, of The Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Red Dragon, and Hannibal Rising.  If you accept an invite to his place, you will definitely be eating some human, and you will likely become his next victim.  Worse than being eaten by Dr. Lector though, would be to eat yourself, as he delicately sautés up some of your brains, and feeds them to you.  If brains aren’t your cup of tea, this may be a dinner to skip out on, although Dr. Lector does look like he knows his way around a kitchen!  If only he didn’t have cannibalistic tendencies.

9. Once again, a dinner to avoid with an individual, and not a family would be with Baby Jane Hudson, from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? She is one crazy lady.  Not only would you probably be subjected to her uncomfortably creepy song and dance number- “I’ve Written A Letter To Daddy”, and be expected to tell her how wonderful it was. Watch here! If you get on her bad side though, you’ll likely be served dead rat, and not even skinned dead rat!

10.  And last, but not least, the final dinner to pass on would be with the Deezes from Beetlejuice. Eating with this family would be majorly creepy due to the haunting of the house this family is living in.  Now, even without ghosts, the Deezes are extremely obnoxious yuppies, so it would be annoying to eat with them anyway, but when ghosts show up, and turn you into a voodoo doll and make you sing and dance, well, you wouldn’t be able to eat anyway.  Then having your shrimp cocktail turn into a disgusting shrimp-hand and grab onto your face….yuck!  I can think of better ways, and better people, to spend an evening with.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!  Hopefully these clips didn’t make you lose your appetite!